Being in or dealing with toxic relationships is hard – especially if you love with you ALL like me.I’ve been in relationships where I felt like I could not live without the person. I’ve begged, I’ve cried and most probably acted like a crazy woman. Nit everyone deals with detachment in the same way. Some people eat ice cream for days, some people burry it deep inside and some people go out and have more fun than usual. But here are some things I’ve learnt that have helped me to accept and move on.
1. Know your worth
Don’t be scared that you will not find someone else who will love you. If you believe in and understand yourself, someone else will one day too. Know when to walk away from something that pulls you down instead of lifting you higher. You’re amazing and if someone else can’t see that in you, it’s their loss and ONLY THEIR LOSS.
2. Don’t Let Anyone Negative Get the Best Of You
If someone is hurting you, knows what they’re doing & does nothing to change – there’s no way around it – they simply do not care about your feelings. Why should you give your energy to someone who has a negative impact on you? Most of the time seeing you upset shows the person that what they do is effective.
3. Don’t make excuses for them
The worst thing you can do to yourself, is blind yourself to the truth. There is no excuse for going out of your way to hurt someone you love. Making excuses is the fast track to it happening again. That doesn’t mean you cannot forgive the person for your own sanity, because forgiving doesn’t take away from what they’ve done. But ask yourself if you’d accept the same thing from someone you didn’t have a relationship with.
4. Time is the Best Healer
I’ve been there – calling them 100 times, stalking social networks and even turning up at the person’s house. It’s hard to accept when someone hurts you, but why should you chase the person who hurt you? The moment you focus your energy on something more positive, is the moment you will start to heal from the negative. Give yourself time to catch up with yourself and take in what’s happened first.
5. Remember who you were before
Sometimes when you’ve spent a lot of time with someone, it’s hard to imagine living life without them. The way to get around this is to remember who you were before you cared. It’s a slim chance you were less happy without them if your relationship is truly toxic.
6. Distract, Distract, Distract!
Find something to do other than worry about the person who clearly is not worried about you. Join the gym, write a book, start a blog. Do something for you. And remember this is all about YOU. Your life is in your control, so why not take the time to make it more around what you want for yourself. Get your nails done, change your hair and feel good about yourself. Who needs them anyway?
7. It’s OK To Be Sad
Removing your attachment from someone is hard and it hurts, especially if you’ve imagined your future with them. But the sooner you adjust to the change, the more positive you’ll feel. There will be times when you’re alone and there’s not much to distract you from the pain, but this is normal and there’s no way around this. So cry it out – tomorrow is a new day!
Most of all, it’s important to do what’s best for you. No one can make you do anything, so aslong as you know your worth, you’re already on right track to removing yourself from anything toxic!